If you are a victim of some perpetrator, or just due the deed of somebody. Firstly you have two choices, either think about revenge or choose forgiveness. Now you may have a question, why should I forgive for something really wrong? First of all, you know, where it goes, revenge creates another revenge. Is that really necessary?
If you’re thinking about it, who really suffers more, victim or perpetrator? Self-preservation instinct leads to mitigation of the suffering. That’s why, if you discover the power of forgiveness, you will see that revenge is not a solution at all. If we follow a question, how it is with suffering, who has a problem find forgiveness, the victim or perpetrator? Imagine that you could have anger towards someone, but fear won’t allow you to express it. Then who really suffers?
You can imagine how does it look, if there is no opportunity to express own feelings, that’s why mind starts work in the obsessional thought process. This could result in unwanted states of mind. Let’s say that our self-preservation now says, of course, I want to get rid of this. And here comes a second option and that is forgiveness.
We can make a prayer and ask for strength for forgiveness. Or we can choose a different way if you are not religiously focused. Strength for anything is inside of us, hardly can get the strength from outside. So here is the direction how to get closer to the forgiveness, for instance, you can break down into atoms own situation. You can ask yourself, what led the perpetrator to have anger? Is he really upset with me? What is the goal of his anger? What is the truth of what he said? Why I feel now guilty, even though it is not my fault?
What will be on the end is that you realize the fact, that you don’t have any reason to feel guilty, and that who is really unhappy is the perpetrator.
Here somebody would say, but what if there is at least some truth on that? Well, if it’s that, you won’t feel anything unpleasant because by words of philosopher “truth is light”, in fact, there is no place for negative emotions. And due to the self-acceptance, you will take that as an opportunity for self-improvement with gratitude.
With this experience, all feelings turn to gratitude and compassion to the perpetrator. That what he is really asking for is attention and love. Forgiveness also helps to understand that victim and perpetrator are on the same level. Both deserves love and attention, that is what everyone is looking for, let’s call it happiness. But according to of life experiences we tend to use different ways and words.