You may think why is important to know the own roles. There are many reasons but at first, I would like to describe a scenario how does it look if you don’t know your own role.
“You are in the situation when everything seems to be hard, and then you are required to do every minute more and more things. This obviously causes stress. Now comes automatic behavior according to of already known patterns. Your experiences, way of learning gave a pattern, file of prioritized steps from the most important further down on the list. Usually is hard to be aware of what are your feelings. Now in this situation was naturally developed a strategy in behavior thanks to automatic mindset. In the extreme situation it works like: When the pressure is put on an individual, the logical response is fight or flight.”
If the situation is not extreme, but yet you felt uncomfortable, logical strategy is avoidance. The reason is that you want to feel comfortable. In reality, this looks like, that you are going to express some form of your defense mechanism. But on the end when you realized your role, you may have confused feelings, because compared with the previous state, this role is completely different. This is a short description of automatic behavior. And word “automatic” is important in this context.
One of many solutions, how to avoid of confused feelings, is that you will decide, what role you want to have before own interaction. And straight away afterwards you will realize how do you feel, whether this role suits you or not. If not, you have a choice to change it and when it will be comfortable, with your mindfulness you can build up a new habit.
This is not exactly the self-control, but more work with boundaries.